BMW History

• Do you know the difference between a 503 and 507?
• If someone asked you would they regret it five boring minutes later?
• If a friend mentions they have a 328 do you wonder whether they're taking about the '37 or '97 model?
• If so, can you identify all the pictures without reading the captions?
• You know all the E & M numbers, the years they were made, and their common problems?
• You know how to pronounce "Hartge" and "Schnitzer" despite having never worked for either?

BMW Mechanics

• Have you ever read a service manual for a procedure you know you'll never carry out.
• More than twice in the same week?
• Do friends ask your advice on mechanical problems?
• Do they ask you to then fix the problem for them later?
• Do you often have to lend tools to friends?
• Do you have manuals for BMWs which you don't own?
• Can you name the function of more than three fuses in your fuse box without using a manual?
• Have you ever removed a part from your engine just to clean it?
• And then had trouble putting it back?
• Have you ever removed part of your dashboard?
• And then removed it again to stop that new creaking sound?
• Do you get nervous when other people have to work on your car?
• Do you check their work later just to be sure?
• Have you caught someone out this way?
• When you take part of your car to bits do you call friends over to look at the interesting stuff inside?
• Have you ever removed a spark plug to "read" the state of the engine?
• Have you ever given a "tech tip" to a mechanic at your local dealer?
• Do you know the first name of the local dealer's mechanic who always works on your car?
• Your tools are now worth more than the first car you bought?

BMW Driving

• Have you attended a race track driving school or autocross?
• Have you left the stick-on numbers on your car for more than a week after the event?
• Have you modified your car for the track with undesirable consequences for normal driving?
• Deliberately?
• Do you own more than one driving techniques book?
• Do you always heel and toe gearchange, even in town?
• You've never understood what possessed BMW engineers to make cars with automatic gearboxes?
• Do you drive with the stereo off in order to listen to the engine?
• Do you own more than one set of tyres for any of your BMWs (snow or track use)?

BMW Care

• Is your car cleaner than your house?
• Have you ever tried to hide the true cost of a cleaning product from your wife/husband/parents?
• Have you tried more than four brands of wheel cleaner in one year?
• Have you ever used a toothbrush to clean any part of your car?
• Even a part of the engine?
• Do most of your neighbours believe you have some mental problem / too much spare time?
• Do most make disgusted comments about other peoples dirty BMWs?
• Have you polished your valve cover(s)?
• Have you ever washed your BMW more than once a week?
• Do you wax it just about every time you wash it?
• Have you ever known that it was going to get dark outside, but decided to wash it anyway?

BMW Evangelism

• Do you feel sorry for non-BMW owners?
• Have you talked friends into the joys of BMW ownership?
• Do people try to avoid talking about cars in your prescence?
• Do you have a BMW model / poster / screensaver at work?
• When you give friends detailed BMW advice over the phone do your workmates shake their heads in silent disbelief?

BMW Worries

• If you read about a BMW problem do you ever convince yourself your car has it?
• Are you nervous about leaving your car parked out of your sight?
• Do you keep hearing almost inaudible yet worrying rattles and creaks?
• Do you replace wearable parts long before they are really needed?
• Have you ever told a fellow owner about a design fault in their car?
• And then told them how to cure it?

BMW Buying

• Does your local salesman try to hide whenever he sees you coming?
• Have you ever had to convince a salesman the part you want does exist?
• Have you ever caught a salesman telling lies about a car's specifications?
• Have you ever purchased an exhaust or tyres to replace one which wasn't worn out yet?
• Have ever tried to order a part only to have the guy in the parts dept. say "it doesn't exist"?
• Then gotten the part number from the 'net and found the dealer has three in stock? (NB: this one's FUN, try it)
• Do you spend ages agonising over which parts or accessories to buy?
• Despite the fact you can't possibly afford them?

BMW Lifestyles

• Does you web browser have more BMW related bookmarks than any other kind?
• Do you subscribe to any BMW magazines (only counts if you keep the back issues)?
• Do you own more than three books about BMWs?
• When your monthly BMW magazine arrives you read the parts for sale adverts first?
• Can you tell which exact model of BMW you're looking at if it's been debadged?
• Even the model year?
• Have you ever made a BMW joke that nobody else understood?
• Do you spot BMWs in TV programs and get told to shut up by friends?
• Do you have to make an effort to not talk about BMWs with other people?
• Can you recite your dealer's phone number from memory?
• When you go to your local dealer does everyone know your name?
• And your wife/girlfriend?
• Do friends approach you in amazed tones and say "I mentioned your name at the dealer, they knew you straight away"?
• Have you ever stood looking at your car for more than five minutes?
• Have you ever sat in your car to admire the interior and soak up the atmosphere for over fifteen minutes?
• Have you ever wanted to leave a social function early in order to tinker with your BMW?
• And actually left?
• And your friends completely understood your dilema?
• Do most of your neighbours / workmates think you're clinically insane?

BMW Ownership

• Have you kept your current BMW longer than you thought you would because you can't decide on it's replacement?
• Do you regret selling any of the previous BMWs you've owned?
• Your mother prefers the suspension on your last BMW as it was "less harsh"?
• Do you own more than one BMW, just to own more than one BMW?
• Have you decoded the VIN on your car?
• Extra credit if you told more than two people the date and place of manufacture.
• Have you ever thought about doing any of the following?
• Adding a garage to your house with a hydraulic lift, extra sets of wheels, and enough tools to make your dealer's mechanic jealous.
• Putting a roll bar in your street car.
• Buying am old E30 to turn into a track car.
• Doing a head job to increase performance on a perfectly good engine.
• Fitting a four point harness to the driver's seat.
• Fitting a valium/sedative dispenser in front of the passenger seat!
• Did this test give you ideas on how to improve yourself? In other words will your score will be higher next time?.