The Unix Nerd's Domain
What If People Bought BMW's The Same Way They
Bought Computers?
Helpline: BMW Helpline, how can I help you?
Customer: I got in my car, closed the door, and nothing happened!
Helpline: Did you put the key in the ignition and turn it?
Customer: What's an ignition
Helpline: It's a starter motor that draws current from the battery and
turns over the engine.
Customer: Ignition? Motor? Battery? How come I have to know all of these
technical terms just to use my car?
Helpline: BMW Helpline, how can I help you?
Customer: My car ran fine for a week and now it won't start!
Helpline: Is the petrol tank empty?
Customer: Huh? How do I know?
Helpline: There's a guage on the dashborad with a needle and markings from
"E" to "F". What does it read?
Customer: It's pointing to "E", what does that mean?
Helpline: It means you have to visit a petrol vendor and purchase more
petrol. You can install it yourself or have the vendor do it for you.
Customer: What! I paid 30 grand for this car and your telling me I have
to keep buying new components? I expect a car that comes with everything
built in.
Helpline: BMW Helpline, how can I help you?
Customer: Your car sucks big time!
Helpline: What's wrong with your BMW?
Customer: It crashed that's what's wrong with it.
Helpline: What were you doing.
Customer: I wanted to go faster, so I pushed the accelerator all the way
down. It
worked for a while and then it hit a wall. Now it won't start.
Helpline: It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you
expect BMW to do about it?
Customer: I want you to send me one of the newer versions that doesn't
crash anymore!
Helpline: BMW Helpline, how can I help you?
Customer: Hi. I just bought my first car, I chose a BMW because it has
ABS, power steering, cruise control and automatic transmission.
Helpline: Thankyou for choosing a BMW. How can we help you?
Customer: How do I work it?
Helpline: Do you know how to drive?
Customer: Do I know how to what?
Helpline: Do you know how to drive?
Customer: I'm not a techie, I just want to go places in my car!
Author unknown - I think this was originally posted to BMW Digest?
